


Monster

by iKONIC_ggukie



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Feelings Realization, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:48:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iKONIC_ggukie/pseuds/iKONIC_ggukie
Summary: Based on Monster by Henry Lau





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> this is really bad lol sorry

_Kiss me tell me all those lies like when you miss me Open up your heart and let your love touch me I just need it all I’ve been so patient waiting for you so long_

 

"Please, tell me why you're treating me like this, did I do something to you?" Hanbin asked, wanting to hug Yunhyeong, but he pushed him away. It had been almost two weeks since Yunhyeong started acting this way towards hanbHa, and every time Hanbin made an attempt to fix whatever was wrong between them, Yunhyeong refused, saying he was just tired. Although Hanbin knew that he was lying to him, he didn't care because he loved him unconditionally, and that love blinded him so deeply that he didn't realize that Yunhyeong didn't love him. 

"You know that I'll be patient with you until death, but please tell me that you feel the same way for me as I do for you. Tell me that I'm not wasting my time with you, that wanting a relationship with you has a future. You know that I love you very much and that I will fight for your love until the end of the world, but tell me you want me by your side." Hanbin could no longer handle what he felt for Yunhyeong, he needed an answer, he did not want to waste time and the best years of his life, waiting for someone who would never feel anything for him. "Of course I want you by my side, with me, forever... but not now. Look, I'm still in a relationship, I need to finish school, and then get a job so I can be happy with you, please understand, please." And Hanbin did, because he loved him, Hanbin let himself be manipulated by Yunhyeong, because he loved him. No matter how many times Hanbin asked Yunhyeong to leave his boyfriend, he didn't do it, asking for more time, and Hanbin gave it to him, because he loved him...

 

_And if you let it go_  
_When I’m holding you close_  
_Inside my arms in the moment with you_  
_Right now the time is wrong_  
_I’ve been writing these songs about_  
_How I can’t be with you_

 

"Yun, when are we going to live together? I know it hasn't been long since you started working but I believe that with our savings we can buy at least an apartment." Hanbin asked the elder when they were both embraced in a small restaurant in the city, having breakfast. Yunhyeong exhaled loudly, he had just broken up with his ex and Hanbin already wanted to live with him. "I don't know, Hanbin, you always ask me the same thing, I'm tired, now is not the right time to live together, we're not even together. And if you really love me, give me more time, understand that right now we just can't." Hanbin only nodded and finished his breakfast in silence.

It had been six months, **six incredibly painful months** , since Yunhyeong had asked for more time. Hanbin was still immersed in a pain that only he only managed to get rid of through the lyrics of his songs. Songs that he wrote about Yunhyeong and how he couldn't be with him, the same songs that he never showed anyone, he kept them so he could record them later. He wanted to record these songs when he lived with Yunhyeong in the house they both wanted to buy. Because Hanbin was still hoping one day to be able to live under the same roof as Yunhyeong.

 

_But, I don’t wanna be a monster_  
_But I’ve been here for days_  
_Drinking too much now I want you_  
_Can’t get you off my brain_

 _I won’t be the one to tell you things and lie to you_  
_If you won’t listen, no_  
_I’m not a monster, monster, no_

 

Hanbin sank into his own pain, one night he drank and drank to try and forget the man he loved with all his might, even if it was only for one night. But on the contrary, alcohol only made him remember him more. Neither had communicated with the other for a long time but that didn't diminish the love that Hanbin felt. Maybe Hanbin wasn't fully aware of his surroundings but he knew he couldn't drive that way, so he called him, for the first time in perhaps two weeks, the man who occupied all his thoughts. Yunhyeong answered, "Do you know what time it is? What do you want, Hanbin?" It wasn't the first time Yunhyeong had answered the phone like that, and Hanbin didn't even notice it. "Can you pick me up? I drank too much, I can't drive, I'm at Southside Parlor." Yunhyeong hung up and started getting dressed, what other option did he have? 

When he arrived, he could see Hanbin sitting on the sidewalk waiting for him. "Hanbin, why are you drunk?" It was the first thing Yunhyeong asked him, and he received an answer that wasn't what he expected. "I got drunk for you, because I love you, but you don't, not even a little bit, I realize that now. Hanbin was about to cry but he couldn't let Yunhyeong see him like that, that side of him that no one will ever get to see again. "Of course I love you, Hanbin, I told you we can't be together now because I don't have time and I don't want to neglect you." Hanbin laughed at that, "You don't want to neglect me? Yunhyeong please, you are neglecting me more now because I'm lonely, we haven't spoken in two weeks and you talk about neglecting just now. I can't believe it, I seriously thought I meant something to you but I guess not." You know what? I won't be the who opens your eyes, I won't be the who tells you things nor the who lies to you over love, not anymore. I tell you things but you'll never understand, and even if I explain them a thousand times, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, you won't change. I can't do this anymore Yunhyeong, it hurts to know that you don't love me but not wanting to see it hurts more, so it's over, whatever this is. I don't want to be a monster, let alone make you feel bad, but I can't anymore. Look for me the day you want a serious relationship." And with that, he left Yunhyeong's car and went into his house, never looking back, leaving Yunhyeong alone with his thoughts.

 

_But every time you kiss me and_  
_Tell me pretty lies about your history_  
_I’m so tired of the back and forth_  
_Telling me that you’re wanting more_

 

_I don’t know what you’re in this for_  
_People try to tell you things_  
_But you won’t listen, no_

 

Another week passed, Yunhyeong, like Hanbin, was lonely. But Hanbin had a stronger will, so the first to speak with the other was Yunhyeong. He left his home determined to talk to Hanbin, and when he got into his car he felt like everything was going to be fine. When he arrived at Hanbin's parents' house, he knocked on the door waiting for Hanbin to open it, and he did. When the door opened, there was Hanbin, his hair totally different from what Yunhyeong was used to seeing, Hanbin's eyes no longer had their usual shimmer, Yunhyeong finally realized what Hanbin was going through. "Can we talk?" Those words were enough for Hanbin to step aside and let Yunhyeong inside. "Well then? Did you deci-" Hanbin didn't finish speaking, Yunhyeong kissed him and Hanbin couldn't help but to return the kiss with just as much force. "Forgive me, forgive me for everything, I want to be with you, we can be happy. All this week I felt very lonely and I couldn't stop thinking that you would call me and everything would be fine, but you never did it so I did it, but it's okay because we can be together and I won't feel lonely anymore. Lonely like when I left my ex and took refuge in you. Please forgive me, Hanbin." The smile that had formed on Hanbin's face was immediately erased, Yunhyeong didn't love him, Yunhyeong loved the attention Hanbin gave him, the constant calls, the beautiful messages, the affection he gave him, all that was what he loved. In the end, Yunhyeong didn't love Hanbin, and he finally realized it. "I don't know what you're looking for, but I'm not going to give it to you, the attention I gave you can be given to you by anybody else, you don't love me, you love the attention I give you." "Yunhyeong, do not you realize what you're doing? You don't love people, you just look for attention, attention that I won't give you anymore. Our friends told you many times that I was in love with you and you laughed, until I started to buying you things, and paying you more attention than others. I was stupid for not realizing it before, but not anymore, Yunhyeong, I realized everything." 

 

_And if you listen to me_  
_Hear all the words that I speak_  
_Trying to hold it but the pieces are falling_

_I just can’t stay by your side_  
_I just have to live my life_  
_I’m not the monster_

 

Both boys had tears in their eyes that could fall on their cheeks at any time. "Don't you love me anymore, Hanbin?" Yunhyeong's voice broke as he spoke, the knot in his throat becoming noticeable no matter how much he tried to suppress it. "Of course I love you Yunhyeong, I still love you with all my strength but listen to me, just because someone loves you does not mean that they will endure all the pain you are causing them. I'm tired of crying over you, Yunhyeong, I haven't eaten nor slept well since we argued in your car, I feel like I'm going to die. I told you before, I don't want to be a monster, so I ask for you to leave my house and my life once and for all." 

-Yes, you are a monster for making me feel this way, for hurting me like this, I'll never forgive you for this!" Hanbin turned to look at him, "If I'm a monster for making you feel this way for a moment, what are you for making me feel like this for almost a whole year? I'm not the monster here, Yunhyeong, you are. And even though I love you with all my heart, I have to leave you, I have to live my life with someone who values me, with someone who loves me." Yunhyeong left Hanbin's house, for the last time that day and they never crossed paths ever again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i told you it was bad


End file.
